One day I will know the thrill of being announced as a Surprise Tag Team Partner.
August 1st, 2002 | by Scott Jennings |This seems like as good a time as any for the Scott Jennings Guide To Chelsea-Area Diners:
Hi. I’m Scott Jennings, and I love diners. And since I find myself in Chelsea quite a bit thanks to my friends at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre, naturally I’ve becomed a bit of an expert on the subject of Chelsea-area diners.
This list is dedicated to the memory of Bendix, my very favorite diner of all time that vanished mysteriously late last year. There was nothing better than greasy diner Thai food alongside that heaping tumbler of cherry soda with two scoops of vanilla ice cream known as the Desert Rose. Peace.
And now, in a very particular order:
1. Galaxy Cafe, Eighth Avenue at 19th Street. This diner makes the top of my list for somewhat sentimental reasons — I have a lot of fond memories of coming here after classes, and I have a little crush on the hostess. But putting that aside, there is no beating the Shuttle Burger Deluxe — a freshly grilled cheddar cheeseburger topped with delicious chili con carne, and served with french fries, cole slaw, and a crisp pickle. The Galaxy also boasts the best weekend brunch special in the area, with a choice of nearly twenty entrees which are served with a basket of muffins, coffee or tea, and a choice of a mimosa, screwdriver, or orange juice, all for $8.95. It’s a great value. The decor is very amusing, the atmosphere is as hectic as one would want it to be, but the seating is a little cramped, and predominanted by small booths, and it closes fairly early, usually around 1am. Overall though, this is the best diner in Chelsea by far.
2. Venus Cafe, Eighth Avenue at 23rd Street. This is another outstanding diner with great food. Good cheeseburgers, good fries, good milkshakes: the Holy Trinity of diner food. The service is quick, if a little on the gruff side. But that can be just as entertaining as anything. And I’m pretty sure it’s open 24 hours, which is a big plus. Overall, no one ever got fired for suggesting Venus.
3. Eros Cafe, Seventh Avenue near 21st Street. Eros is a bit of an enigma: its prices and menu make it a diner, but its atmosphere, decor, and part of its menu make it seem like something else. Eros has the most extensive menu of any of the area diners, but if you’re concerned more about quality, I’d suggest sticking to the more traditional diner fare. Service can be a bit slow, but they do have a couple of really cute waitresses, and they sometimes offer free appetizers. All in all, Eros is a fairly nice place that benefits from being so close to the theater, otherwise it probably wouldn’t be worth the walk.
4. Peter McManus Cafe, Seventh Avenue at 19th Street. I’m only including McManus because if I didn’t, I’d get a dozen e-mails saying, “what about McManus?” Well, I’ll tell you what about McManus: only eat here if you’re too lazy to go somewhere else, or are too enthralled by the ambeeeance. The french fries are remarkably bad. For some reason, the chicken wings are served with plain tomato sauce. The burgers are usually good, but in general, the quality of the food is very inconsistent. And let’s be honest: the quality of the service is very inconsistent, too. The big points for McManus are scored by the bar and the charmingly cliquish social atmosphere. Don’t go here for a meal, eat here when you’d eat at a bar anyway.
5. Hollywood Diner, Sixth Avenue around 16th Street, I think. Hollywood is a fairly nondescript place that doesn’t really stand out for anything positive. The food passes muster, but doesn’t dazzle. The service has been terrible and quite rude everytime I’ve been there. And it’s the furthest diner away from the theater on the list. Not worth a look.
6. Malibu Cafe, 23rd Street near Seventh Avenue. Yikes. Very little good to say about this place. The food isn’t good. They try to pass off little containers of milk that have been sitting at room temperature for hours for the coffee. The service is all right, but they’re bringing crap to you. Malibu does seem to have an extensive selection of fresh baked goods baked on site, but if I wanted baked goods, I’d go to a bakery. Also, the diner is frequented by patients at a nearby center for the hearing and vision impaired. Be honest with yourself when you consider whether or not you can handle that. Not recommended.
There will be no debate as far as the rankings go, but if I missed a spot, feel free to point that out.
When you travel through time to the future, you can’t possibly be seeing the actual future, since it’s a future that happened without you. You’re seeing an alternate timeline that took place after you suddenly disappeared to go on your little jaunt to the false future. Any impact you were to have on the universe would be unobservable. As if that weren’t enough, like I mentioned, travelling into the future generates a timeline where you vanish in an instant. Your loved ones would experience a great deal of very real grief for a lifetime from their perspective — even if you do return to the very spot from which you left, for a time, there was a future where you were dead with no body to grieve. So, to summarize, not only is travelling through time to the future pointless since it depicts a false future, but also you generate a timeline of endless grief for those who care about you. Really, it’s the moral equivalent of suicide. Therefore, travelling through time to the future both yields no real reward and is incredibly selfish, and should not be done.
I did the Eli Temp Assignment From Hell today during the day for the first time, to free up my evening to make my first cameo at Syndicate rehearsal in a month. On my lunch break, I brought pizza back to the break room since I was alone and it was far too hot to be anywhere but the well-refrigerated office.
So I bring the pizza back, and there were two of the permanent guys in there just shooting the shit and picking at the bones of their lunches. I sat down, started eating quietly, when one of the guys asked how I was liking the job. I was clearly dishonest, and the point was made. The other guy said that this job was perfect for an “apprentice journalist,” since, as he put it, so many of the million stories in the city start there. All right. Yeah, they were easy fodder, but I didn’t expect them to be so aware of it.
And then as if on cue, a woman walks into the break room with an envelope to collect money from one of the guys. The other guy snatches the envelope, plays keep away, then stuffs it down his pants. Without blinking an eye, the woman reaches down and gets her envelope back, and walks away. “Should have put it deeper.”
I don’t have much more of this in me.
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