jennings rampage

Letters; I write letters; I write really prickish letters.

I went to DC over the weekend to see my best friend from college Chris Sabis, since he was in a play, and I knew I’d be able to tear it to shreds. That’s some concise exposition, eh? This is the e-mail I wrote to our mailing list describing the show:

On Saturday, I had occasion to attend a production of the obscure yet classic operetta “The Gondoliers” by the Georgetown Gilbert and Sullivan Society. It sure did suck.

If amateur productions of Gilbert & Sullivan works aren’t specifically mentioned in the Geneva Convention, then as far as I’m concerned, you can throw the whole document out the window. I’d gladly take three hours of whatever interesting chemical weapon you can think of rather than see that show again. Fortunately, I saw it on closing night.

I can hear Melissa already: “shutup, Scott! They’re law students! And I secretly want you.” Well, Melissa, you’ve missed your chance, and I’d expect law students to know the difference between “an ambitious musical challenge” and “a stupid idea.” Gondoliers is not exactly an entry-level operetta — it’s about eight days long with about forty-seven lead roles, and taking it from auditions to opening night in four weeks would be enough of a challenge for a professional troupe, let alone a gang of ragtag law students.

It was poetic that this production was held in the Moot Court Auditorium, because it was my own personal Trial of the Century to stay awake throughout. This particular performance marked the 30th anniversary of this particular society, and the audience was full of alumni. The cast was glad to see these alumni, because they were all very drunk, and loved every mumbled line and fumbled step. By “with soft serenading we sing them to sleep,” I was ready to go.

I wasn’t the only one in the audience there against their better judgment — I overheard another poor fool there with his alumna wife remark, “Gilbert & Sullivan had one frickin’ idea, and we get to hear about it over and over and over again.” How very true. Now, I’m no G&S ingenue, my mp3 rotation features heavy rotation of Mikado and Pirates, and I was in Pinafore when I was in fifth grade. I had just forgotten that those fucks had only written one story and just keep retelling in different settings.

Gondoliers seems like an unusual choice for such a big anniversary, since it’s the one operetta no one’s seen. (I hadn’t seen it yet.) So how do you punch it up? You guessed it: cameos from the better operettas that we wish we were seeing! Our own Sabis handled these run-ins with committment and aplomb, as Koko (he plays a cuckold like he was born that way, or at least raised as one), the Major General, and Sir Joseph Porter. [Why couldn't they have just fucking done Pinafore? I love Pinafore! (At least I didn't give them the chance to ruin it for me.)] These three cameos all featured Sabis and another actress as tourists, complete with anachronistic cameras. That reminds me: nothing punches up an operetta like anachronisms! Anachronisms are AWESOME!

And if the rewrites and the digital watches weren’t enough, you know you can count on these Georgetown students to REALLY kick it up a notch with HILARIOUS LAWYER JOKES. Oh my God! Nothing makes an argument between two 17th Century Italian characters funnier than if they bust out that wack legal terminology, yo! Law students in the hizzzzzzay! Booyah!

The show was so interminably tedious that one unfortunate alumna expired early in the second act. To my chagrin, the show went on.

Of course, my review may be colored by how cranky I was after my drive to DC went horribly horribly wrong after I asked Sabis for directions and he gave me the famous last words, “just use MapQuest.” I took a wrong turn, ended up on the WRONG side of the Potomac, found my way back only to get crushed by traffic diverted from one of TWO major concurrent protests. Now, free speech is awesome and all, but isn’t one major protest enough for one day? What if you hate globalization AND the war in Iraq? You’re pretty well fucked, just like I was. So if Sabis ever invites you to drive into DC, IT’S A FUCKING TRAP.

So, to summarize, going on an impromptu three hour sightseeing tour of our nation’s capital immediately before sitting through some God-awful Gilbert & Sullivan made my face crimson with rage and my eyes yellow with urine. I can’t recommend it.

But at least I did get to hang out with Sabis and Melissa and meet Sabis’s girlfriend Mab, who gets immediate approval simply for not having the crazy eyes. Good for her! I hope to return to DC when I have enough time to go to each of the buildings closed to the public for security reasons and complain about it loudly.

I’m well, they’re well, hope you’re well too.

- S