jennings rampage

Jennings vs. The Profit Motive

Ok, here’s the basic problem: I’ve been hipped to the fact that basically everyone in online poker rooms (especially at low limits) has no idea how to play poker correctly, and they just churn in, donate their money to those who know the score, and churn out. And since I consider myself one that might have an inkling as to what the score could be, I’ve found myself spending most of my time with a no limit Texas Hold’em game open on my computer as I set about my normal regimen of television-watching and nuisance-making. It doesn’t take a BA in mathematics and economics to sit around and wait for a big hand and ram and jam the pot and watch the sheep call you and draw dead, but it doesn’t seem to hurt. I have a personality that is conducive to “kicks,” if you will, and right now, I happen to be on a poker kick. On an hourly basis, it pays about as much as my actual job. That’s a bad realization for me to have.

I realize that poker is, by definition, a zero-sum game, but for me, that means that other people are left with zero and I’m left summing what I’ve won, ha ha, math joke. And I could never play professionally because a) I’m too fair-skinned and every capillary in my face would scream my hand out to a pro, and b) zero-sum games, by definition, contribute nothing to society, and I think that if you peel back every issue I have with my upbringing and my father and my relationships with women and the unfortunate waterslide incident of 1993, at the core is some strange fear of contributing nothing to society. I’m still working on trying to explain it to myself, then I’ll let you all know.

And so that’s part of the reason why this particular contribution to society has been left fallow. Ross asked me why I hadn’t been writing, and I told him about the three very personal essays I’ve been working on and having a hard time finishing, and I think I have his implicit permission to be taking this little break. Take it up with him if you have a problem with that.

Or I could take these poker winnings and just hire a fucking shrink already.