jennings rampage

A Very Navy Christmas Party.

Jeff came home from work this afternoon and announced that I was accompanying him to his ship’s Christmas party, which was to be held at the Sheraton Waterside in beautiful downtown Norfolk.

He also informed me that the minimum dress code was a shirt and tie, so that meant it was time to go shopping. Jeff helped me pick out a very nice coordinating DKNY shirt/silk tie ensemble (see below), and it was back to our apartment, where we realized that neither of us knew how to tie a tie.

And what do we do when we realize that we need information? That’s right, we ask the Internet. This website provided a reasonable tutorial on the half Windsor knot, and after about a half-hour of experimentation, I ended up with this perfectly acceptable result:

There was no time to bask in my sense of accomplishment, as we were already running fashionably late, so we hopped into the Purpulator and cruised downtown. The party itself wasn’t nearly as horrible as one may have expected, since there was plenty to feel intellectually superior about:

1. The party marked the world premiere of the USS Iwo Jima post-deployment video, a montage of “all in a day’s work” clips from life aboard the ship throughout her mission (presented in chronological order, with subtitles, in case you weren’t there) set to the title track of classic rock legend Bad Company’s eponymously-titled album. The video featured shots of aircraft taking off and landing, hovercrafts launching, sailors battening down hatches and things of that nature, and lingering shots of the captain sitting in his chair on the bridge looking out the window through his binoculars. I leaned over to Jeff to whisper, “this is hilarious,” and he shot back, “I know, it was hilarious every day.” It was announced that copies of the video would be available on CD-ROM from the ship store, and I made Jeff promise to pick one up for me.

2. I got to meet my brother’s chief petty officer and his wife, who seemed to be completely shit-faced on half a glass of Chardonnay. The office party environment is just something special, a fully sanctioned opportunity to act like a complete idiot while dressed up, knowing full well that very few people will even pretend to remember what happened. Jeff observed that office parties are great because “you get to see who’s married to a fat chick.”

3. The Sheraton Waterside made a decent Christmas pudding.

4. When they showed the hilarious video for a second time, I tried to get my table to sing along, exhorting “come on, you all know the words!” I pretended to be Jeff’s date at several points, complaining “I beg and I beg for him to take me out, and when he finally does, he refuses to dance!” In short, I did everything I can to embarrass my brother and make an ass out of myself, since after all, it wasn’t my office party. My company’s office party was canceled before I was fired.

Jeff had his fill of his coworkers outside his office before too long, so he and I wandered over to a local bar and shot a couple games of pool. I was reminded why I never play pool with Jeff, since he pretends to be an excellent pool player, and I take a far more relaxed attitude towards the game. It’s a bad combination.

The minute I get my hands on it, boom, that video is going up on this very website.