jennings rampage

Be on the lookout for another big fat awkward douchebag.

I went to Whole Foods (because I’m still sick of all these fucking partial foods) last night to pick up the ingredients for chicken mole, my current culinary obsession. I make a mean mole.

Back at the butcher’s counter, a lady butcher I’d never seen before came up to me, and in a very familiar tone asked how I was doing and where I was working these days. I smiled, and in a very familiar tone started to tell her, and then I stopped myself — “are you confusing me for someone who used to work here?” Yes she was, and one of the cashiers made the same mistake last week, which is what tipped me off. It seems that I’m a dead ringer for a current Whole Foods employee’s husband, who worked in the specialty department. It’s a little weird that I’d never seen this guy considering how often I shop at Whole Foods and how I always bump into Monica there, but I guess that’s just how the universe is designed.

I told the lady butcher that it sounds like I have a doppelgänger, and if I ever encounter him, I’ll have to kill him. She laughed and laughed, and I told her that I wasn’t fucking kidding around — if I see this asshole, I will destroy him.