jennings rampage

Saw this coming the whole way. In the end, don’t care.

Dear [former landlady]:

I just want to clarify a few things. I know you’re going to keep my full deposit because you’re the landlady and you’re better at this than I am, but I want to be clear on a few things.

- I paid the pet deposit to the original management company when I signed the lease on 2/2004 and provided the cancelled check to you to demonstrate that when you inquired after you bought the property. If the management company never provided you with that, take it up with them.
- If there was a fire in the range, it was long before I moved in. Those appliances are all older than I am.
- If there was evidence of spider nests, I never saw it in the apartment, and if you were ever concerned about vermin, I never saw an exterminator in my unit in the three and a half years I lived there.
- The “cardboard patch” in the living room was exactly the way it was when I moved in. Believe me or not, but if you took pictures when you bought the property, it’ll be right there.
- I never had a key to the back door. The original management company was aware of that and apologized for it, but it wasn’t a concern of mine, so I let it go. The deadbolt to the front door was exactly as it was when I moved in, it had been bent but functional the whole time.
- That storage shed was far far more empty when I moved out than when I moved in. I hauled away a full truck load of broken drywall and other assorted construction materials, and left the box of car parts, because those were there when I moved in. It was one box on a shelf. I can’t believe you itemized one box on a shelf.
- Can you believe that the screen popped out of the rickety and wobbly screen door? It hardly seems possible!

I lived in your apartment for over three years, was late on the rent exactly once, and if you didn’t make a tidy profit on my tenancy, you did the mortgage wrong. When you bought the property, your inspection was cursory at best — if you had cared to glance inside the oven or notice the attractive but glaring cardboard patch in the living room drywall during the five minutes you spent in my unit, you wouldn’t embarrass yourself by blaming me for what I itemized. I moved into a sick building that had a mold problem that forced a roommate to move out, a ceiling fan that was never replaced after asking several times, a dishwasher that I basically gave up on, carpet that would be barely suitable for miniature golf, linoleum in the kitchen that was installed incorrectly and looked horrible as a result, and I only bothered you with the important problems, like the heater and the A/C. The minor crap, I put up with. According to the lab where my former roommate had the mold testing done, that apartment qualifies as a sick building and could have been boarded up. But it didn’t bother me, so I politely informed you of the problem, and then let it go when you didn’t follow up. I guess that’s the last time I go easy on a landlord.

So, please enjoy my money, and I hope your next tenant enjoys a practically renovated apartment at my expense. I have zero sympathy for any “loss” you’ve incurred as a result of my tenancy. If you feel good about keeping the deposit after three and a half years of practically no maintenance to the apartment, enjoy it.

Best wishes,

Scott Jennings