jennings rampage

The most responsibility I’ve ever had in my life.

June 30th, 2008 | by Scott Jennings |

Last fall, my dear old friend and former roommate Austin gave me a call and asked if I was an ordained minister. I told him I wasn’t, but since I’m aware of the Internet, I could take care of it pretty easily. Good, he said, because he wanted me to perform his wedding ceremony.

Casey and Austin gave me no parameters — they knew what they were getting into. I set my own guidelines: I wanted something personal and fun, of course, that presented marriage as an institution fueled by the support of family and friends, omitting religion, misogyny, and imagery of property transfer. I just wanted to talk about love and family and these two wonderful people.

I let those ideas float around in my head for several months, and I finally wrote a first draft about a week before the wedding. (I like pressure.) They loved the draft but had one note, which I naturally hated because I’m an asshole who has never written anything less than a masterpiece, but I finally got over myself and added the part Casey wanted at 7am on the day of the wedding. (But not before I made a huge stink about it to anyone who would listen at the rehearsal dinner. I am not worth the trouble, believe me.)

When the time came, I had never been more nervous about anything in my life. I’ve almost certainly failed a great many people in my day, disappointed family and friends, bungled away huge sums of money through incompetence and laziness, and my reward for all of this was real responsibility. But I don’t mind telling you: I think it went pretty well. And the wedding was one hell of a party, this was not their first rodeo.

---

I worked too hard and am far too vain not to post the full text of the wedding ceremony:

Family and friends, honored guests. We’ve come together here today to turn off our cellphones and witness the union of two people who have meant so much to our lives. I think it’s fair to say I speak for us all: I would have moved heaven and earth to be here right now with all of you. Casey and Austin, thank you for sharing this moment with all of us.

We learn from a very young age that we’re supposed to share our lives. We learn that laughter amplifies and echoes when it is shared, we learn that memories are sweeter when they are shared, we learn that the burden of sadness is lighter when it is shared. We watch our parents and our grandparents and see what a life that is shared can build. Your children all aspire to that great accomplishment, the reason we’re all here, the meaning of life: to find the person without whom nothing would make sense, the sine qua non of our existence, and build with them a home, a family, a legacy.

The author Andrew Boyd wrote:

We’re all seeking that special person who is right for us. But if you’ve been through enough relationships, you begin to suspect there’s no right person, just different flavors of wrong. Why is this? Because you yourself are wrong in some way, and you seek out partners who are wrong in some complementary way. But it takes a lot of living to grow fully into your own wrongness. It isn’t until you finally run up against your deepest demons, your unsolvable problems — the ones that make you truly who you are — that you’re ready to find a life-long mate. Only then do you finally know what you’re looking for. You’re looking for the wrong person. But not just any wrong person: the right wrong person — someone you lovingly gaze upon and think, “This is the problem I want to have.”

When Austin moved away from home and away from Utah for the first time, he moved into an apartment with me in Chapel Hill, North Carolina. We were in different places in our lives — him a bright-eyed and enthusiastic 20 year-old, me a jaded and world-weary 24. He landed a job right away, worked his tail off, bought a ridiculous car, read Shakespeare every night, and quickly grew into an all-around great guy. The cynic he lived with kept waiting for him to fall on his face, but of course that never happened. Austin was a steady presence in our lives back in North Carolina, a really great guy. I don’t want to gush about him, though. He had his share of problems, but nothing he couldn’t handle. Problems come and go.

And then along comes Casey. I think it’s fair to say that we all knew she was the right sort of problem. We all knew immediately. Austin enjoyed leaning on his boyish charm to help him cope with his problems, but Casey knew better. She challenged him, she dared him, and we watched him rise to the challenge and take the dare. They were each separately arriving at the turning points in their lives where the time comes to take what you’ve learned and focus to meet your potential. But while they were arriving at that point separately, it was clear they would leave that point together.

One day almost a year ago, Austin had to take his ridiculous car to a shop way out in the middle of nowhere, and needed someone to follow behind and give him a lift back into town. Well, without getting into too much detail, I had the free time on a Thursday morning, so I was happy to help. We stopped off at a barbecue joint for lunch on the way back, and Austin listened patiently while I cataloged my various and sundry complaints. After several minutes, this became impolite, so I asked what was new with him. “I’m going to propose to Casey,” came the response. He clearly had the bigger problem.

Austin sought the counsel of his father before he made this decision, and received the perspective that can only come from your dad: “Someone is going to take care of this woman for the rest of her life. Now, do you want it to be you, or some other guy?”

It couldn’t be anyone else. She was Austin’s problem. Just as he will be Casey’s problem; however, this will be more literal.

We are here to celebrate love. And why not? The power of love is a curious thing. We feel compelled to celebrate love. We feel compelled to travel great distances for love, dress up for love, sit together and revere love, then have a nice dinner and a slice of cake and a few drinks and dance and laugh and celebrate love. And why not? We don’t know why, but we know there can not be too much love in this world.

And if there can not be too much love in this world, then the unfortunate corollary is that there is never enough of it. We always need more of it. What little we have we must nurture and treat as precious and unique. We can never take it for granted, even when it is offered without condition. The love we have for all the people around us, for our friends, for our roommates, for our brothers and sisters, our cousins, our aunts and uncles, our mothers and fathers, grandmothers and grandfathers — this is what makes us who we are. We are defined by who we love and how we love. This is what shapes our lives.

We are here today because Casey and Austin have shaped each of our lives, and for that we are all grateful. We are here today because we love Casey and Austin. We are here today because as Casey and Austin take this oath and make this promise to each other to build their shared legacy together, we need to be here to say “yes.” We need to be here to say, “yes, and you have our full support; yes, and you have our blessing; yes, and you have our promise to remain a part of your lives forever.”

And so, it is on your behalf that I have this great privilege.

(Austin, please repeat after me.)

I, Austin, take you Casey, to be my wife / to have and to hold from this day forward / for better or for worse / for richer, for poorer / in sickness and in health / to love and to cherish / from this day forward until death do us part.

(Casey, please repeat after me.)

I, Casey, take you Austin, to be my husband / to have and to hold from this day forward / for better or for worse / for richer, for poorer / in sickness and in health / to love and to cherish / from this day forward until death do us part.

William Shakespeare, from The Merchant of Venice:

One half of me is yours, the other half yours
Mine own, I would say; but if mine, then yours,
And so all yours.

According to Google, the tradition of the wedding ring is so old and crosses so many ancient cultures that its origins are not clear. It is so ingrained in our collective consciousness that it naturally makes sense. If we wanted, we could parse out the symbolism — the preciousness of the gold for the Sun and the light of day, the shape of the circle for an eternal love without beginning or end, worn on the third finger because that finger’s vein runs directly to the heart. Casey, you can correct me if I’m wrong on that.

But taken as a whole, the ring is a token of your love for each other. It is just a token — the ring represents the commitment, but the proof of the commitment must be borne out every day. The ring represents your heart, and so all yours, but the proof of that gift is the hard work and understanding that lies ahead for you. Today, these tokens are a blank slate, representing nothing more than the path of your lives beginning with this moment. But one day, these rings will symbolize your legacy to your children and your grandchildren and beyond. These rings will be precious and eternal because of you.

What tokens do you have to offer each other?

Austin: With this ring, I wed you, and pledge you my love, now and forever.

Casey: With this ring, I wed you, and pledge you my love, now and forever.

By the power vested in me by your family and your friends, I now pronounce you husband and wife. Please kiss each other.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the newly married couple, Casey and Austin.