Please feel free to ignore the fat guy telling runners what to do.
February 28th, 2010I ran into an old friend of mine at a bar a couple weeks back, and as we were catching up, she told me about her training for a half marathon. I gave props for her determination and hard work, and then started complaining.
You’ve seen these “26.2″ stickers, yes? All of these oval stickers are just awful, but the “26.2″ ones don’t bother me quite as much, because I’m going to go out on a limb and say marathon runners are worthy of respect. A marathon has to be at least 20 miles more than I’ve ever moved on my legs between meals, so that’s quite a thing. A marathon, that’s something.
You know what a half marathon is? A half marathon is nothing. A half marathon is literally not a thing. No one ran from the town of Half Marathon to Athens to deliver the news of the war; in fact, it may surprise you to learn that there’s no such town as “Half Marathon,” in Greece or anywhere else.
So, half of the marathon distance is 13.1 miles, which is still quite a very long way to move on your legs without a Cinnabon break. But runners run many distances - sometimes they run five kilometers, which they call a 5K; sometimes they run ten kilometers, which they call a 10K. And sometimes they’d want to run even further, maybe running two 10K races in succession, a total of twenty kilometers. Now, these European kilometers are throwing oranges in with our delicious American apples, so I’ll get to my point: twenty kilometers is a very long way: very close to 13.1 miles, give or take.
If you can run twenty kilometers, one after another, up on your legs, good on you. A “20K,” as it might be called, is one hell of a distance to run. But you want to make yourself feel better by telling yourself it’s 50% of a historic distance and an iconic race? Pffft. This lardass says no. A half marathon is nothing.
You’ve seen these “13.1″ stickers, yes? They’re bullshit. I see them, and I judge.
